13 things I learned from 13 months off social media
When I took a break from social media, I imagined I’d become this serene, glowing creature of presence - you know, reading novels, journaling under fig trees, fully alive to the world around me.
Alas, that’s not what happened.
But I did learn a lot. Here are 13 things I actually learned during my 13 months off social media.
1. As Taylor Swift said: I’m the problem, it’s me.
I thought the issue was Instagram. Turns out, the issue was me. I assumed deleting the apps would free me from the grip of my phone. Instead, I just replaced Instagram scrolling with YouTube rabbit holes of The Voice auditions and entirely unnecessary dives into celebrity gossip. Let’s just say I could now write a dissertation on Nick Cannon’s family tree.
2. I am, in fact, addicted to my phone.
I once read that if you take your phone to the toilet, you have a problem. Well - Houston, we have a problem. Deleting Instagram shone a light on where my relationship with my phone has got to and where it needs to change.
3. I’ve lost the ability to do nothing.
Years ago, I spent three weeks in silent meditation, just sitting and watching my breath. Now? I can’t make it five minutes without reaching for something to do. Partly it’s the phone, but partly it’s the rhythm of motherhood - the constant motion, the mental lists. Going from changing nappies and making dinner to stillness feels jarring. My phone has become the bridge between doing and nothing. I have a lot of compassion for myself here and I know that I can be more intentional about making that bridge something healthier.
4. I’m starving for casual connection.
I noticed that most of the times I reached for my phone, I wasn’t actually bored - I was lonely. I’d open WhatsApp just to see if someone had messaged me, or scroll hoping for that little hit of connection. I don’t just crave deep conversations - I crave casual connection. The kind you get chatting in the post office queue. We’re village creatures living village-less lives.
5. Instagram friends are real friends.
I missed my Instagram friends. Some of them I’ve met in real life; others I haven’t. But they’ve been part of my world for years - people I laugh with, cheer for, exchange comments and DMs with. When I wasn’t online, it felt like a few of my people had gone missing and I’ve been so happy to see them again.
6. Social media reshapes the possibility of kinship.
Online, we often connect through shared values and curiosities rather than proximity. Some of the most natural and meaningful relationships now begin in that space - built not on geography, but on resonance and belonging.
7. Social media has changed the world - for better and worse.
It’s both a miracle and a mess. It’s connected us, given outsiders belonging, given creatives platforms, and given ordinary people power. It’s also turned many of us into dopamine-driven zombies. Whether it’s net positive or negative, I’m not sure - but the invitation for me is to stay aware. To consciously amplify the good and dial down the bad.
8. Social media amplifies polarisation - it doesn’t create it.
The division we see online isn’t born there; it’s just magnified. Those fractures exist in our families, our politics, our dinner tables. Leaving social media doesn’t fix polarisation - healing does. As with all things, the work is in our hearts, not our feeds.
9. Social media is a tool for contribution.
When I wasn’t online, my impact became smaller - more local, intimate, beautiful in its own way. But I also realised I want to be of service in a bigger way. Platforms like Instagram let us share what we love, what we’re learning, and what we care about. That’s powerful. Used consciously, it can be a fantastic tool for contribution.
10. Humans - including me - are born creators.
There’s a creative current that runs through all of us, and social media gives it somewhere to go. Whether it’s a photo, a post, a video, or a poem, the act of creating and sharing is deeply human. I missed that current.
11. I have agency.
Social media is neutral. It’s not inherently good or bad - it’s how we use it. Simply deleting it doesn’t change the underlying behaviours that made us misuse it. That’s my work now: to engage consciously, not compulsively.
12. My kids will not have social media until they’re at least fifteen.
And then, slowly and with support. It’s a tool, but it’s also a drug - engineered for dopamine hits. If I, a fully grown adult who didn’t even grow up with it, struggle to manage it, how could I expect a child to?
13. People are really trying.
When I went back online, it wasn’t the noise or outrage that stood out - it was the effort. So many people creating, connecting, contributing, loving in their own small ways. Beneath all the noise, the human spirit keeps reaching for something good.
After thirteen months off social media, I didn’t return as a perfectly present earth goddess. I came back a little more humbled, a little more aware, and - hopefully - a little more intentional.
I was reminded that my goal isn’t to escape the world. It’s to learn how to be in it, awake.